i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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