I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
