yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
where are my eyebrows?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
