I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
