I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
