My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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