your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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