Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
