Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
