Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
