My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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