I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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