As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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