So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize