All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
