Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
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Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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