We won't sleep together?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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