I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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