I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
