Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
