I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
