Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize