i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize