I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
