Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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