Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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