When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize