I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
