when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
