So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
