alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
