I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
