I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
