she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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