Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
