I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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