Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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