he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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