Just mADE A PArabola og urine
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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