you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
