his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
