I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
