i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
