1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
