Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
