Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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