so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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