So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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