so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
