So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So much Jack, so little girl.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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