Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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