"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
