She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize