at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
