He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
