Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
