I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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