1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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