She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
