well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
