why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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