I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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