6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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