whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
