Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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