Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
