she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
