we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
