She's JV to your varsity
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She even gives head with a lisp.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
