i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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