Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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