Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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