I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
