Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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