Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
