this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
