someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
