I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
