So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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