Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
