Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
